honesty

i don't understand why it is so hard for me to sit, read, and meditate on scripture. it is hard. i am lazy. it overcomes me sometimes. i lose.

i mustn't stop though. i cannot give up on trying, because that is the "training" paul wrote to timothy about. i MUST train myself. i MUST discipline myself harshly. so much that it hurts. i have to keep running. by reading. by consuming. by meditating and dwelling in the word that is bread, life for my spirit, it is Jesus.

and like HE commands in john 6, and i come back to this passage often, in which he says "EAT MY FLESH & DRINK MY BLOOD!" once i taste him, once i savor him, he is delicious and i am to crave more of him, i am to lose control and devour him. i want to lose control, i want to savor Christ, and crave Him, i want to not be able to live without the taste of Christ on my lips.

and after HE taught this, many walked away because it was a hard teaching. he turns to his disciples and asks them if they're going to walk out on Him too. They reply, Jesus, we KNOW that you are the Christ, the Son of God. Where ELSE can we go?