He still hit me...

Sometimes things happen so unexpectedly and plans change with absolutely no warning.

I got in a car wreck today.

I'd never been in a wreck before - not in any kind. That is one thing I had never experienced, and never wished to experience... kinda like the death of someone close to me.

I am physically okay.

Psychologically, I am and will be a little screwed up. It was unbelievable to see pieces of my car demolishing before my very eyes. It was unbelievable seeing that Dodge Charger roll through his stop sign and drive straight into me while I was right in front of him.

I had just gotten out of a final, I had comfortably adjusted in my car, drove out of the University campus. My plans were to get gas, drive the two and a half hours home to Belton, and enjoy my family and a warm bowl of vegetable soup. I had a dentist appointment tomorrow. I was going to escape from the big city for a very short while before coming back and hitting the ground running with finals and shows.

Tara, the Agent and his friend came to my rescue... took me to Taco Bell to shake it off. My car was drivable, so I took it home to Garland. Grasshopper came over with Starbucks Hot Chocolate. I was on the phone with insurance people for a while. I was on the phone with my parents for a while. Grasshopper and I talked for a while.

It's a strange feeling. It's an awful feeling. I don't like being 22. There is so much fear and terror and angst inside of me caused from all this. I don't know how to deal with this. I can't be afraid, but I am. I just want to crawl into a hole for the rest of my life.

It feels like my very first fire drill. My dad picked my cousin Mariel and I up from Kinder Garden and asked us how our day went. Tears welled up in my eyes as I said I never wanted to go to school again. He asked me why. I said I didn't want to go because it caught on fire, and I was afraid.

It's that same Kinder Garden Fire Drill Fear in the pit of my stomach that makes my insides writhe and I want to throw up. I don't want to do that again. I was being so careful. Tonight I was specifically checking my speed limit, stopping at the previous yellow light, deliberately using my blinker, and turning left onto the left lane instead of going towards the middle or right lane. See, I thought I was being pursued by a campus security guard so I was being extra careful. And the guy still hit me.


I asked him if he was drunk and he said no. He simply said, "I didn't see you, ma'am."