Wonder

I completed the worship chapter that has taken me so long to read. Sometimes it takes me so long to read something because God doesn't want me to read it until a certain time because it will not be that until that time will I understand what I am reading, and really know.

This morning, I was frustrated with the lack of adventure, lack of wonder that I used to find in so much only a few months ago... then I begin to read what Piper has written about worship... things like..

In a prior state that we often taste, we do not feel fullness, but rather longing and desire. Having tasted the feast before, we recall the goodness of the Lord - but it seems far off. We preach to our souls not to be downcast, because we are sure we shall again praise the Lord (Ps. 42:5). Yet, for now, our hearts are not very fervent. (p.96)

We have accustomed ourselves to such meager, short-lived pleasures that our capacity for joy has shriveled. (p.99)

But childlike wonder and awe have died. The scenery and poetry and music of the majesty of God have dried up like a forgotten peach at the back of the refrigerator. (p.100)

And finally....

Don't let the childlike awe and wonder be choked out by unbiblical views of virtue. Don't let the scenery and poetry and music of your relationship with God shrivel up and die. You have capacities for joy that you can scarcely imagine. (p.108)

These lines echo the stirrings of my soul... they have helped me figure out the cause of my restlessness. I tasted once the freedom that is dancing and singing, believing that God was my only witness, living as a little girl in awe of how big her Daddy is and what he does everyday, in the big things and the little things, and finding beauty in all....

and so I went from a "holiday at the sea" to a puddle of mud when I began to be aware of human judgment.

Getting caught up in "ministry", in the logistics of christianity, in schedules, in meetings and appointments, so much that life has begun to shrivel.

Thankfully the Spirit has revealed it to me... thankfully we know what it is... thankfully it's never to late to be a child of wonder again!

Pray for wonder!